You're On Crack: Jon Wilner Edition

John Wilner writes for the San Jose Mercury in San Jose, California. Also, he's addicted to crack. Unfortunately, the Associated Press has seen fit to empower this crack addict with his very own AP Poll vote. Hooray for affirmative action. Now, instead of women and minorities, they're helping out those with an insatiable crank fix.

Just to give you an idea of what I'm talking about, here is his ballot:

1 Southern Cal
2 LSU
3 Oklahoma

OK, so far, so good.

4 South Carolina

And we officially have a train wreck. Listen, I'm a South Carolina (and Steve Spurrier) fan, but any Blake Mitchell quarterbacked team is more likely to get a DUI than be ranked in the top 5.

5 Wisconsin

Almost lost to The fucking Citadel.

6 Alabama
7 Florida

That's right, Alabama AHEAD of Florida. And by the way, have you noticed we haven't seen WVU yet?

8 California
9 Penn St.
10 Oregon
11 Texas
12 Boston College

Still looking for WVU.

13 Nebraska

What. The. Fuck. Nebraska lost a game. They actually got blown out. Sure it was by the #1 team in the country, but they looked awful doing it. So, I repeat. What the fuck?

14 Ohio St.

Still looking.

15 West Virginia

There we go. Remember boys and girls, West Virginia is the 15th best team in the country. We would definitely not beat Nebraska or Boston College or Texas because those teams are ranked ahead of us. And Jon Wilner controls the college football universe. That prick.

But just because he's screwing WVU doesn't mean he's not screwing other teams, too.

16 Georgia
17 South Florida
18 Arkansas
19 Virginia Tech
20 Clemson
21 Missouri
22 Cincinnati
23 Appalachian St.
24 Rutgers

Teams in this grouping that have lost a game: 3. Georgia, Arkansas, and Virginia Tech. Football Championship Series teams: 1. These teams are all apparently better than Rutgers. Yeah fucking right. Rutgers would be favored in every single one of these games. Even at Virginia Tech.

Props, though, for the Cincinnati ranking. Unfortunately, everything else was so retarded that it clouds the praise.

25 Georgia Tech

Didn't want to leave #25 out.