What Has Two Thumbs And Is Gayer Than Brady Quinn?

THIS GUY!

Seriously, Jimmy Clausen is the starting quarterback for the Notre Dame Fighting Irish. If Knute Rockne were to ever see this picture, he'd die right on the spot.

R.I.P. Knute Rockne, March 4, 1888 - September 5, 2007.

This Is The Face Of Jimmy Clausen's Future

If you didn't know, the quarterbacks coach at the University of Notre Dame is the esteemed and accomplished Ron Powlus. Let's take a look at some of the unfortunate circumstances in history involving Ron Powlus and Notre Dame.

Ron Powlus was one of the single most hyped prep athletes in the history of prep athletes. Out of Berwick High School in Western Pennsylvania, Powlus was projected to be an instant star in college and an instant star in the NFL. When Powlus was a senior in high school, Beano Cook was already working 18 hours a day in his basement on Powlus' Hall of Fame bust. This completely justified hype led to the following completely logical statement by Beano:

"Ron Powlus will win 2 Heisman trophies at Notre Dame."

Ouch. If you weren't paying attention, Ron Powlus in fact did NOT win 2 Heisman Trophies. He didn't win 1. He didn't even win at bingo that night he played at the South Bend Convalescent Center. He wasn't drafted by the NFL. Of course, Jason White DID win the Heisman and he wasn't drafted, but I digress.

Well, you didn't think it could get any worse, could you Notre Dame? Well, guess what? It did yesterday afternoon. On College Football Live, Bob Griese unleashed the fury, jinxing your program's next 4 years. Quoth the Griese:

"This is the best thing that Clausen could have hoped for...because his mentor is Ron Powlus."

Oh good God no! I hate Notre Dame and I wouldn't even say that. OK, I would, but I would probably feel dirty afterwards. There is simply not a lot of good that can come from this.

Oh wait, there IS a lot that can come from this: Clausen can end up sucking as a QB, the hopes and dreams of Golden Domers will inevitably be crushed, and hopefully -- fingers crossed -- South Bend will sink into the Earth, taking Notre Dame, gonorrhea, and Rudy with it.