Disrespecting The "U"

Think South Florida isn't already enjoying their "place" in the national spotlight. Just ask WR Taurus Johnson what he thinks of the current Florida football scene:

“I thought we were already in the Big Three,” Johnson said. “I didn’t know Miami was still in there.”

Oh snap, bitch. He really put them in their place. Or maybe he didn't.

Remember, he's talking about the Miami Hurricanes, winners of more national championships over the past 30 years than any other program. The same Miami Hurricanes that USF has never defeated in its history. If you think about, it's a pretty close comparison, though: Miami has 5 national championships and USF has had a program for 10 years. Oh wait, nevermind.

In the future, Taurus, maybe keep your mouth shut. One year does not a football program make. Just ask Rutgers.

[Charleston Gazette]

Breakfast

T-Minus 2.5 Hours...

8 o'clock STILL can't get here soon enough. To pass the time, I've had this photo professionally printed life-size and mounted it on my wall. For the next 2 and a half hours, I'll be the one sitting and staring...and drinking. A lot. Probably an unhealthy amount. It happens.

On Location: Carter-Finley Stadium

Unfortunately, I will not be making the trip to Tampa this year. I will be at a football game, however, as I am taking in NC State-Louisville in Raleigh on Saturday afternoon. This should be a fantastic game between two of the worst teams in the country. But, it is my first chance to see The Krag up close and personal and from the upper deck, so it should be a good time.

By the way, 8:00 pm can't get here soon enough. Go Mountaineers!

Ears Bleeding, Please Make Stop

Matt Grothe has his own website. If that wasn't the funniest thing you've ever heard, Matt Grothe also has his own rap song. Sung by Bulls kicker/Special Olympian Delbert Alvarado. Hilarity ensues.

Welcome to MattGrothe.com, the Internet's #1 source of news, information, and multimedia on University of South Florida sophomore quarterback Matt Grothe!

Fuck, I wonder what's #2?

For my money, nothing gets you street cred in the rap game quite like missing 4 field goals in one half. And if that's not enough, having the first name Delbert usually does it. Shit, with a name like that, you're about 1000% more likely to be hung off a balcony by Suge Knight than have a hit track.

The Lou Holtz USF Pep-Talk

Is anybody else wet with anticipation? I know I am. This type of moisture can only mean one thing: the Lou Holtz pep-talk is upon us. This week, Lou turns his attention to the USF Bulls. As if USF needs any more motivation.

Anyway, the Lou Holtz pep-talk is a personal favorite of mine. Nothing combines adrenaline and saliva quite like Coach Holtz. When he speaks, I listen...and pee myself a little. Like I said, I'm excited.

The speech is coming at halftime of the Boise State-Southern Miss game on ESPN, so we'll be back afterwards to give you the complete recap.

Start holding your breath...wait for it...wait for it...NOW!

UPDATE:

OK, I'm a little less pumped up now. I'm not saying Lou Holtz gives bad pep-talks, because he doesn't. What he does is confuse the hell out of you. One minute I'm a USF player, pumped up about playing WVU in the biggest game in my life. The next? I'm wondering why the hell he's mentioned bumble bees, sex and violence on television, and football in the same speech. Seriously, how much PCP is this guy on?

Anyways, I hope USF was listening, because if they were, we win by 50.

Like Glitter Much?

This only reinforces my view of USF fans as a roving group of carnies hellbent on swindling the elderly out their life savings. If for no other reason, we need to win Friday's game for the American elderly. If that's not motivation, I don't know what is (...maybe a date with Erin Andrews?).

Grab Your Ankles USF

If you haven't already, and I doubt you have, read this article in today's Tampa Tribune. It details the absolute screw job of a rental agreement the Bulls have at Raymond-James Stadium with the NFL's Buccaneers.

Here are some high points:

• Under the agreement, the Bucs get all profit when the professional team plays at the stadium. But the team also gets the first $2 million of profit from parking and concessions at non-Buc events annually, such as concerts and USF games.


• The Bucs and the sports authority split any profit beyond $2 million, which happened for the first time last year, thanks to strong turnout for a concert by country singer Kenny Chesney. The Bucs and the sports authority each got $15,781.


• In late June, the sports authority approved a new lease that raised the Bulls' base rent to $105,000 per game this season, up about $19,000 per event from previous years. But that only includes rental of the stadium's lower deck, which seats about 40,000. The costs go up dramatically if ticket sales require the second deck to be opened, as it will for the game against the Mountaineers.


• Additional costs include added security, the use of the large video boards and other stadium amenities.


• Stadium staff figure that every ticket holder for Friday's game will spend an average of $9.02 on food and drinks. The company that runs the concession stands gets about 60 percent of that and the Bucs get the rest. If the game is a sellout, the Bucs could make $236,890. The USF Bulls do not share in the profit from concessions.


• The Bucs also get the game-day profit from the sale of 6,000 parking spaces at $10 a piece, or about $60,000.

I suspect that when this agreement expires in 2011 that USF will be able to negotiate better terms, but in the meantime, sweet baby Jesus in a manger are they getting bent over.

Dance Dance Not Revolution

I searched for over 5 minutes for an interesting/funny YouTube video about USF. Not much to choose from. The best I could find is this video from the 2006 University of South Florida Department of Student Affairs Holiday Party Talent Show.

Is it funny? Not necessarily. Is there any reason you should watch it? Probably not. The only things I can gather from this video are:

1. The woman second from the right needs to repeat this dance a lot if she's going to lose the holiday weight.


2. The woman second from the LEFT seems a little overeager, leading me to believe she has slept with half of the University of South Florida Department of Student Affairs. Or half the students.


3. I bet the instructor is dynamite in the sack.


4. This is 3 minutes and 8 seconds you will not get back. Just when you think something interesting is going to happen, nothing interesting happens.
   


5. I am glad I did not attend the 2006 University of South Florida Department of Student Affairs Holiday Party Talent Show. Although I am still bitter I wasn't invited. Those fat whores know I love salsa dancing!

On that note, Enjoy!

High School Freshmen

No, I am not trying to attract some illegally young ladies with that title. I may not have passed the bar but I know that a girl under 18 will get you locked up. You also need to watch out for college freshmen because they may have graduated early (no comment).

The more I think about this Friday’s game against USF, I can’t help but see USF as a high school freshman about ready to be put in their place by an upperclassman. The summer before my freshman year of high school, I had talked a JUNIOR (with rough hands) into giving me a hand job and got drunk with the seniors down the street.

The first few weeks of high school went by without a hitch and I actually hung out with some seniors during lunch. Then I started to get cocky and ran my mouth about the summer debauchery. This led to one of my most embarrassing moments ever.

The JUNIOR’s senior boyfriend walked right up to me at lunch threw a straight jab to my nose -- bleeding ensued -- and then he pushed me into the trophy case. It was not a pretty sight...and I see the same things in USF’s future.

In kind, USF is coming off one hell of a season where they somehow beat us and put themselves into the national spotlight. To start this season, they beat Auburn and are now highly ranked for the first time in their 11 year history. It is so cute that this school is talking trash like they are big time.

However, it is time to treat them like a freshman, punch them in the mouth, and then stick their head in the toilet for a swirly.



No game prediction yet but just know that it includes hard liquor, hot wings, and PAIN.

You Know How I Know You're Gay?

You paid $16.99 for this shirt.

At one point in time, these used to original. They even used to be funny. Now they're just derivative and stupid. What, these geniuses can't make up some new way of making fun of WVU for each school? They just change the color, sit back, and profit.

Between USF and Marshall, they really didn't have to even change the colors all that much.



Hell, the Maryland and Rutgers shirts are exactly the same.




As a classic Adam Sandler would say, "who are the ad wizards who came up with this one?"

Apparently the ones who wanted to make a shitload of money off dumbass fans.

UPDATE: Despite my best efforts to find one, there does not exist a Louisville version of this shirt. Apparently, I guess, the company thought the "hillbilly" comments hit a little close to home. But, then again, Marshall has the same shirt, and they're twice the hillbillies with twice the denial. So who knows.

Bless Their Little Commuter-School Hearts

Well, apparently, USF students found out yesterday that they have a football team. They also found out that football team is playing #5 ranked WVU.

With this knowledge in hand, they borrowed 100 bucks from mom and dad, borrowed grandpa's camping gear, and set out to wait in line for tickets to this Friday's game. The line was so long that most of them had to call and tell their parents they wouldn't be home for dinner.

Now that's dedication.

Seriously, it sounds like there's going to be an electric atmosphere in Raymond-James Stadium this Friday. 12,501 students is a lot, even if most have never been to a college football game in their lives.

All I can hope is that these girls show up, because they did not at all waste hours of their life learning this choreographed dance:

It's South (West-Central) Florida Week

While the real south Florida -- aka Miami -- is known for some of the hottest and surgically enhanced women on the planet, USF has it's fair share of lookers. Unfortunately, most of the rest of the crowd looks like a roving band of carnies -- and smell like it too.

Though, we always try and focus on the positive here. Especially wanna-be Jenn Stergers.

Oh wait, that IS Jenn Sterger. What the fuck is she doing cheering for USF?

This One's For You Delbert

Despite Delbert Alvarado's attempt at either the worst kicking performance of all-time or the most ill-conceived point shaving scandal in history -- sweet fancy Moses, 4 missed field goals! -- South Florida has beaten #17 ranked Auburn at Auburn.

This is good on so many levels: for USF's 12 year old program, the Big EAST, knocking the SEC down a level, making fun of Aubarn, etc.

Just wanted to take a moment and give dap for USF's big, big win. When the football schedules came out in the spring, this is one of those games that I certainly had circled. Great job going out and getting it done.

BIG. EAST. FOOTBALL.

Breaking: University Of South Florida Not In South Florida

This is going to be an interactive exercise. Take a look at the map above.

If you're not a complete retard, you can differentiate between north and south, east and west. Some of you more advanced readers can distinguish a place in between some of those directions, such as central. The most advanced (we're looking at you Communications majors) can come with up with such abstract concepts such as northeastern or west-central.

Now look back to the map. Find Miami (hint: it's in the bottom right-handed corner). Miami is in the part of Florida called "south Florida." Can you say "south Florida?" Good.

This time, find Jacksonville. Did you find it? Good. Jacksonville is in the part of Florida called "hell." Can you say "hell?" Great. Sometimes, to be polite, we refer to "hell" as "north Florida." Remember, if you don't have anything good to say, don't say anything at all, and that includes hurling obscenities at residents of hell...err, Jacksonville. Also, Jacksonville has it's fair share of good things, too, like liquor stores and cut-off jean shorts. So be nice!

OK, so now we've found both north Florida and south Florida. This is where it gets tricky. Be sure to put on your thinking caps before we get started.

Find Tampa. If you need help, it's on the west (read: left) coast of Florida. See it there right in the middle of the state? Nice work. Well, since Miami is in southern Florida and Jacksonville is in northern Florida, where is Tampa? Well, Tampa is in West-Central Florida. From Tampa to Jacksonville, it is 224 miles. But from Tampa to Miami, it is 283 miles. Which is longer? 283 miles, fantastic. You guys are smart.

So, what if I told you that the University of South Florida was not in Miami, but instead in Tampa? Remember, Tampa is closer to Jacksonville than Miami. You'd be surprised, wouldn't you? Me too. You might even think to yourself that people from USF were fucking retarded, wouldn't you? Me too.

Well, that's all for today, class. Things to take away from today:

1) People from Tampa and USF don't own maps and wouldn't know their ass from a hole in the ground.
2) Jacksonville is white-trash.