Crab Cakes And Football

Man, was that a good weekend. Went sailing, banged my slut of a girlfriend a couple times, and most importantly, the Redskins won. Fuck yeah. Great weekend.

Man, what is today? The 11th? Shit. Has Maryland’s season started yet? Let me check the Post. Damn, two weeks ago. Who did we play? Not like it matters since we’re fucking awesome. I bet we’ve already beaten Ohio State and the Jets.

OK, so who did we even play? Villanova and Florida International. What the fuck? I didn’t even know Villanova had a football team. I didn’t even know Florida International had a school. If it’s in Florida, why call it International? Dumbasses. Probably couldn't get in to Maryland.

OK, so it’s week three. Who is going to get killed this week? Oh shit, it’s West Virginia. Bunch of rednecks, I’m surprised they even have a bus to get to the damn game. They’re so poor, Miss South Carolina wants to get them some maps.

They also suck at football. Man, we fucking own them. I remember that one Gator Bowl, that was sweet. God, I was just talking to my boy Trip at the club yesterday about that game. We killed them. Was that last year? Whoa, 2004? No way, feels just like yesterday. No way I have been talking about that game for 3 years. That’s OK, we’ll kill them this year. We went to the Orange Bowl in 2002.

I bet we’re favored by at least two touchdowns. Those inbred rednecks can’t hang with Maryland football. They’ll probably be too busy fucking their sister. Hillbillies. You got to be shitting me. We’re only favored by 16 points? No fucking way. We’re way better than that. We’re Maryland, the Beast of the East.

Wait, we’re 16 point underdogs? To those uneducated hicks? Give me a fucking break. They couldn’t even spell Maryland let alone beat us. I read where they don’t even have an ocean. How poor do you have to be to not even have an ocean?

Eh, who cares what the spread is, we’re still going to kill them. Bruce Perry is just a monster. They have no chance. Scott McBrien will tear that defense apart. They have no chance. Like I always say…

Crab cakes and football, that’s what Maryland does!