Be Very, Very Afraid

Last year, WVU ranked 3rd in the nation in points per game and 2nd in the nation in total rushing yards. The star running back, Steve Slaton, finished 4th in the Heisman voting, while QB Pat White won Big East Offensive Player of the Year. Those are all lofty accomplishments.

How do you improve on that? Mindfuck all of college football, that's how. Somewhere, Coach Rich Rodriguez is laughing.

Enjoy/masturbate to excerpts from Joe Starkey's column on ESPN.com:

MORGANTOWN, W.Va. -- Sure, West Virginia had the third-highest scoring offense in the country last season.

That didn't mean coach Rich Rodriguez was afraid to tweak it. He even took suggestions.

"I don't know how many people sent me letters about going to the wishbone," Rodriguez said Saturday, shortly after his team's season-opening practice at Mountaineer Field. "So I said, 'The hell with it, I'm gonna do it.'"

Do it. Not really, but it would be totally awesome if you did. I prefer to humiliate opponents with plays that were invented by 1930s Army teams.

He was kidding, of course, but there is a significant change in the WVU offense -- and it can only be construed as terrible news for defensive coordinators everywhere.

The Mountaineers intend to play faster this season.

Seriously.

That much became obvious after watching 15 minutes of practice. On its first three plays from scrimmage, the offense used three wildly different formations without switching personnel.

Faster? Oh no. No. No. No. Sensory overload.

Different formations? No. Too difficult to defend. Seriously Rodriguez, we scored 38.8 points a game last year...isn't trying to score more just a tad presumptuous?

"That's the idea, so we can play fast, so we don't have to substitute and not let the other team have time to substitute," said fullback Owen Schmitt. "Just go, go, go. That's what Coach Rod wants. We can run all the way down the field and stay in the same personnel but with different formations."

OK, that's enough. We get the point: we're going to be really, really, REALLY good. At this point, I have to try my best to stay clear of epileptic seizures when reading about Mountaineer football.

** Thanks to loyal reader Amelia for the tip. **