Sad Story of Peanut Whitehead

Sad news out of Louisville yesterday as it was revealed that Deantwan "Peanut" Whitehead's football career is over due to a condition called spinal stenosis. Whitehead was injured early in the game at Mountaineer Field last week. Tragically, this is the second Louisville player to have his career ended this year, as OL Mike Donoghue was diagnosed with the same condition last month.

Peanut Whitehead was arguably the biggest recruit in Louisville history. It's tough seeing the career of such a huge, strong guy taken down in such a cruel way. My best to Peanut Whitehead, Mike Donoghue, and their respective families.

For more reaction, check out Card Chronicle.

Louisville Is Classy, Part Zero

Apparently, Louisville's Preston Smith spit on Pat White. Having trouble believing a Louisville player could be guilty of such an atrocious act? If so, check the video:



Not a whole lot of doubt there, eh? If I were an opposing player, I would stay the hell away from Pat White before and after a play. The last thing you want to do is make this guy mad. Hell, he didn't know where he was for half the game and he's still carving up the once and never 2nd best team in the Big EAST.

So, Preston Smith, I say bully to you. Thank you for finding a new way to motivate the conference's most electrifying player. All of West BY GOD Virginia salutes you.

[Thanks to Card Chronicle for the story/video]

Louisville Game Recap

Forgive me father, for I am about to sin...

Well, that certainly was a steaming pile of dog shit, wasn't it? Surely, none of us have witnessed a more poorly conceived effort than the one that CRR put together Thursday night. It's like he popped a couple Xanax and lost all ability for creative thought (and consciousness). Seriously, what was that?

1. What was with the 71 consecutive Pat White runs straight up the middle? (I haven't rewatched the game, so I don't know the exact number). It's like CRR's play-calling shrinks significantly when we're facing a test. At some point, you can tell he's actively trying not to lose, rather than to win. To me, this is embarrassing. The last thing a top 10 program does is play not to lose, at home, to a 17 point underdog. You just don't do it. You step on their throat from the word go and blow them out of the damn stadium. When we took the 17 point lead, that's what should have happened. Instead, we played grab-ass for the next 15 minutes. What a fucking joke.


2. Where is Steve Slaton? Outside of the Sugar Bowl, has there ever been a worse big-game player in a Mountaineer uniform? Last year, he put the ball on the turf over-and-over against Louisville and then delivered a whopping 43 yards against South Florida. This year, he has averaged 62.3 yards in our three biggest games (South Florida, Rutgers, and Louisville). It's obvious that Rodriguez doesn't trust him in important situations, which is saying a lot when you're talking about a former Heisman trophy candidate.


3. Don't let Owen Schmitt punt. Just don't. If you're going to go for it on 4th down, go for it. If not, trot McAfee out there and let him punt. He is the fucking punter for God's sake. I can't get mad at Owen Schmitt as it's his job to be a fullback, not a punter. This one, as always, falls on CRR. And while I'm at it, we were lucky to get 9 yards on that punt. It traveled 3 at the most.


4. Noel Devine must play more. There's just no way around this. Everytime he touches the ball, the entire stadium holds its breath. Not because he might fumble, as is the case with Slaton, but because he might break a run or somebody's ankles. He's a game-changer, both with score and momentum. That kick-return was just another example of this. If Slaton is busy throwing up on himself in big games, give the kid a chance. He's only the most heralded recruit in Mountaineer history.

So that's about it. If you saw me after the game, you almost undoubtedly told me a "win is a win." I then undoubtedly wanted to punch you in the face. I came pretty close a couple times, too. If you want to be one of the best of the best, a win is never a win. Style points always count. Walk into the stadium, no matter who the opponent, and fuck them up. Easy as that.

Now, we need to get that memo to CRR.

Close Call

Wow, I think I'm finally sober. That game was a lot closer than it should've been. I got so mad I walked out of Mountaineer Field with no shoes on. Be prepared!

On Location: Red Lot

Well, it's that time. Finally, after three whole days of work, Thursday is here. Needless to say, I won't be working tomorrow, so my weekend is starting a little early. And what better way to start a weekend than with a blowout win over Louisville. If you need me (or Stiles or 5th Year Senior, for that matter), we'll be in the red lot. Just look for the guys who are pretending not to have a WVU blog.

Come Get Your Whoopin' Louisville

While the Louisville defense has been rightly blamed for the teams lackluster performance thus far, they have actually improved over the last three games. However, that isn't saying much when you are talking about this squad. So far this season the Louisville D has allowed 27 points, 257 passing yards, and 154 rushing yards a game. All of these stats are in the bottom of NCAA rankings.

We all know Patrick White does not throw the ball down field much but this may be the game we see CRR let White show off his left arm. Even if Louisville loads up the box we should be able to run at will on this swiss cheese of a defense. They do not have the necessary speed on the edge to contain either White or Slaton, which will cause them to keep their linebackers wide. That is when we bust Schmidt up the middle and he busts another face mask.

Last season, WVU racked up a surprising 540 yards against a very good Cardinal defense. We'll see a little more than that for tonight's game. White throws for over 200 yards and rushes for 100 more. Slaton again does not go off for the numbers we have come to expect, only rushing for 113 but also getting about 60 receiving yards. It will be another solid performance with a few big plays but mostly extended drives down the field.

When our defense takes the field, something is going to have to give. Louisville's offense has been great, averaging 510 yards/game, ranking 6th in the country. The Mountaineer defense, however, is only allowing 262 yards/game, ranking 4th. Here's why WVU is going to win: we score more points.

Silly thing to say? Hardly. Like we said, Louisville is 4th in total offense. But where they lack is scoring, only ranking 18th. It's still a respectable ranking, but not quite the machine-like numbers of years past. Their defense is not putting them in good positions and their offense just isn't good enough to overcome that, mostly because their rushing offense ranks in the bottom half of Div. I-A (149 yards/game).

Even with just that, WVU should be favored by two touchdowns. But then we get into the biggest mismatch of the night: CRR vs. The Krag. Kragthorpe has arguably been one of the worst coaches of the season. If there were an award for "worst coach," it would be a dogfight between Mark Snyder and Steve Kragthorpe. Meanwhile, CRR has opened up our playbook and put the bite back in the Mountaineers' offense.

In the end, we win this one going away.

WVU 52 - Louisville 17

[5th Year Senior contributed to this preview]

Back When Louisville Didn't Suck

Unfortunately, this was one of the greatest games no one ever saw. If you remember, at the same time, this game was competing with USC-Notre Dame (push Matt, push) and Michigan-Penn State (back when Henne didn't suck). But, while the rest of the country might not have seen it, I know I did. And I remember at least 1/4 of it, too!

Brian Brohm Press Conference

What did you just ask me you sniveling reporter? Of course, Brian Brohm wishes he would've gone pro after last season. That is a ridiculous question to ask me, BRIAN BROHM. Brian Brohm passed up being a top 5 draft pick to come back to win the national championship and the Heisman Trophy.

Now because of that idiot, The Krag, I, Brian Brohm, does not have a shot at either of these goals. All Brian Brohm got from returning to this trash heap of a University is a wicked nasty case of the crabs. OOOPS, I probably should've kept that to myself.

NEXT QUESTION

What do I, Brian Brohm, think about West Virginia? Brian Brohm, thinks they are a bunch of horse loving idiots, that smell like manurer, and have Napoleon syndrome because they will always be the second best university in the state. Oh no, Brian Brohm has messed up again, those were his thoughts about the Louisville alums.

Brian Brohm asks you all to forget about what he just said. This interview stuff is tough, whew. Brian Brohm now wishes to be referred to as B squared.

NEXT QUESTION

B squared will not respond until you refer to him as B squared. No one, no one, FINE this interview is over. WVU is going to kill us, I just hope I get my stats.

Do Cardinals Have Teeth?

Am I the only one in the world who looks at the above image wonders WTF. Now I never took a biology class at WVU, but I'm pretty sure that Cardinals aren't hiding teeth inside their beaks.

The teeth may make the Cardinal look tough but it also makes the person wearing the shirt look like a jackass. Just admit that the Cardinal is a pussy mascot and use that fancy L as your logo.

The Kragthorpe Diaries

Shit.

This is bad. This is really, really bad. How the hell am I going to get out of this one? The Krag has certainly gotten himself into quite the fuckin' pickle.

Think Krag, think. Brainstorm. OK, we're brainstorming. Saying anything that comes to my mind.

Fuck, this is hard. Wait, maybe I'll burn the stadium down. Hell yeah, if there's no stadium, there's no games. And if there's no games, there's no losses. This can't fail. Best. Idea. Ever.

Wait, if I burn the stadium down, they'll probably want to arrest me for arson. Damn, there's always a catch. Stupid felonies always fucking things up. And there's no way The Krag is going to prison. I hear there are homosexuals in prison. Yuck. I'll be damned if I drop the soap and my whole perspective on life changes. No way. Krag loves the ladies, not men.

OK, keep thinking.

Think.

Think.

Shit, still thinking about prison showers. Damn.

Think.

Maybe I'll just go back to Tulsa. Yeah...I see coaches doing that all the time time. Dan Dakich went from Bowling Green to WVU back to Bowling Green. Rick Majerus did the same thing with a buffet table and USC. Why can't I do it? The Krag should be able to have second thoughts.

But those guys never actually coached a game at their new schools. Shit, I didn't even think about that. I've coached like 3 games at Louisville. You think they'll let me out of my contract? Eh, probably not.

What if I just don't show up for games. I could have my wife write a note. Like I'm sick. That might work. Probably only for one game, though. After that I'd probably have to have cancer or the gout or Lou Gehrig's disease or something. Too risky. I want people to just think I'm dead, not actually be dead.

Well, I guess I could always just end it. I wonder how high that bridge over the Ohio is? It better be pretty high, I don't want to just break both my legs. They'd probably make me keep coaching if that happened.

Oh well, who cares. Fuck them, I'm still getting paid. I'm their problem.

(Editor's Note: the first installment of The Kragthorpe Diaries can be found here.)

Great Scott! Something Is Wrong With The Space-Time Continuum

The early lines for next week's college football games are out. Take a look through that list of games. Any game/line jump out at you say, "what the fuck?"

If you're like me, you immediately noticed 123/124, which is Louisville at Cincinnati. Before the season started, I would estimate that going into this game, Louisville would have been a comfortable 10 point favorite. Now? Cincinnati is favored by 10.5. If you're a Louisville, just reading that has to be enough to just end it, right? Just jump off that bridge/swallow those pills/run the hose from your exhaust to your sealed car, right?

Even if you think that line is too high, how can you bet on Louisville? They just got the train run on them at home by a mediocre Utah squad. Not good. Now they have to face Cincinnati, who I think is averaging about 47 takeaways a game. Not good.

The moral of the story: Louisville is fucked.

Step #1: Point; Step #2: Laughter

Names and faces have been disguised to protect the innocent. Lord knows it's not the Cardinal's anonymous bird's fault.

On Location: Carter-Finley Stadium

Unfortunately, I will not be making the trip to Tampa this year. I will be at a football game, however, as I am taking in NC State-Louisville in Raleigh on Saturday afternoon. This should be a fantastic game between two of the worst teams in the country. But, it is my first chance to see The Krag up close and personal and from the upper deck, so it should be a good time.

By the way, 8:00 pm can't get here soon enough. Go Mountaineers!

File Under Amazingly Obvious

You know, some guys just can't catch a break. Today, Louisville dismissed oft-troubled linebacker Willie Williams after his arrest on marijuana possession.

Williams, who was brought in as a high-risk recruit with the personal blessing of athletic director Tom Jurich, was charged with possession of marijuana, felony tampering with physical evidence and driving without a license. The high school All-American gained infamy for his long criminal record as a teenager that included 11 arrests, which derailed his intention of playing football at Miami.

Louisville police arrested the 6-3, 230-pound Williams after he was stopped for driving a car with the music playing too loudly, said Louisville police spokesman Phil Russell.

A detective searched the car and found Williams trying to hide a small amount of marijuana, Russell said.

"He basically had the marijuana in his mouth," said Russell, who would not release the identities of the others in the car because they were not arrested. Several other schools passed on Williams, but after attending West Los Angeles Community College, the Cardinals took a chance on him. Williams was given a set of disciplinary guidelines to adhere to by Jurich. He failed to live up to them.

No shit he failed to live up to them. I guess trying to swallow your stash of construda didn't quite meet UL's code of conduct.

Props to Willie for thinking on his feet, though. Not many people would think to eat your weed. This type of ingenuity and quick-thinking should help him during his 5 years in prison.

Watch out for your corn-hole, Willie.

The Kragthorpe Diaries

Oh. Shit.

I am so completely fucked. Utterly, totally, didn't have the courtesy of a reach-around fucked.

It all looked so rosy. Top 10 program. Orange Bowl champion. How could I screw this up? I couldn't. No way. I single-handedly turned Tulsa around. Tulsa for fuck's sake. You think anyone wants to go to Tulsa? Shit no. But there I was, winning games and making Steve Kragthorpe a household name.

Everybody wanted a piece of The Krag. Programs wanted me. Schools across the country were throwing money at me. Taking me to expensive restaurants. Showering me with gifts. Setting me up with hot ass ladies. Sure I'm married, but not when I'm on the road. On the road, The Krag has to get him some split-tail, you know what I'm saying? As long as that shit stays on the DL, The Krag is all good.

Man, was I having a good time. Especially in Louisville. Remember this story? You should've seen the red-carpet they rolled out for me. A box at Churchill. Dinner at the Penndennis Club. That shit was off the hook. I didn't see a minority the entire day. That's how it was in Montana and that's just how The Krag likes it.

That was 9 months ago. Today? It's like someone took a dump on my chest. What the fuck? I won a Liberty Bowl, I don't deserve this shit.

How the hell did we lose to Kentucky? Good lord, Kentucky. Who's even their head coach? Is it Saul Smith? I don't have a clue.

I have no idea how it went wrong, either. What'd you say? We need to play defense? Fuck that. Have you seen our offense? It's sick. It's like the 2000 Rams in Madden. I used to play in my office on my old Dreamcast. I owned that game. Brian Brohm is Kurt Warner, Anthony Allen is Marshall Faulk, Mario Urrutia is Torry Holt, Harry Douglas is Isaac Bruce, and some other white dude on our team is Ricky Proehl. Man, wasn't Ricky Proehl sick?

I just don't get it. With this offense, who would've thought we needed to play defense. Not me. And I'm the best coach in America. If I didn't see it coming, no one could. Not even Knute fucking Rockne himself. And he was half the coach I am. Plus he's dead, so he doesn't know shit.

And don't even get me started on Syracuse. Luckily I swallowed some Oxycontin at halftime so that game was a fucking blur.

All this shit is giving The Krag a headache. All I wanted to do was win a national championship. It shouldn't be this hard. It wasn't this hard when I was taking Tulsa to the Humanitarian Bowl. I mean, pulling decent ass in Boise was hard, but the football part was still easy.

This fucking blows. What the hell am I going to do? Ah, fuck it, I'm going down to the Magic Dragon for a rub and tug. Gotta get my mind off this shit.

Louisville Is Depressed

Earlier today, I went through the 5 stages of grief and how they applied to Pitt football. It was a mind-blowing (read: pointless) experience.

Well, this afternoon, I checked out Card Chronicle, a very good, informative, and T&A-free Louisville blog. While Pitt Blather may already be in stage 5 -- remember, they've had years of Wannstedt to prepare for this -- Louisville fans are still only in stage 4, depression. Steve Kragthorpe has come at them like a golden hurricane of awful.

It's kind of sad, actually. In fact, I sent them a prescription of Prozac that I bought illegally from Eastern Europe as a token of my condolence. Anything to help a program that has just gone up in flames.

Business In The Front...

Here is the urbandictionary.com submission I just made for the "Kentucky Waterfall"...

kentucky waterfall

The ultimate in hair-styling excellence. Classic business in the front look transitions gracefully into a party in the back waterfall, Kentucky style. Usually accompanied by Little E t-shirt, jean shorts, conviction record, beaten wife, and no more than 9 teeth.

Not to be confused with the Kentucky Virgin, though the two are not mutually exclusive.

Example: The front of my Kentucky Waterfall says I work at the local Sunoco, but the back says I am addicted to meth.

Source: Charley West, Charleston

[photo courtesy of Matt]

Erik Brown Might Be On To Something

I realize that former Louisville cager Erik Brown has serious mental problems. I wouldn't make fun of that, even if he played at Pitt. But still, I find this statement a bit humorous:

Once the nation's leading freshman scorer in college basketball, Brown, 28, now believes the CIA installed a chip in his brain in a conspiracy that somehow involves his former University of Louisville coach, Rick Pitino.

Personally, I could see a lot of truth in a conspiracy between Rick Pitino, Louisville, and the CIA. I might even myself have a chip implanted into my brain. Finally, I have a reason for my love of expensive Italian suits and hair gel, my New York accent, and failed professional career.

[courtesy of Deadspin]

Steve Kragthorpe Is The "Duct-Tape Bandit"

Granted, I have no proof of this, but it sounds about right, doesn't it? Let's take a look at the facts:

1) "Duct-Tape Bandit" is from Ashland, Kentucky. Steve Kragthorpe also lives in Kentucky.

2) "Duct-Tape Bandit" wrapped his head in duct-tape and attempted to rob a liquor store. Steve Kragthorpe probably tried and failed to rob a liquor store at some point.

3) "Duct-Tape Bandit" was run down by the store clerk, beaten with a stick, and subdued in a choke hold until police arrived. Steve Kragthorpe is also a pussy.

Case closed.

Louisville Sucks At Tailgating, Life

When you peruse this picture, keep one thing in mind: the beer is a prop. All of these Louisville fans have grabbed fake beer -- the queer one on the right grabbed a fake Corona Light -- and smiled for the camera. Cheese!

No Louisville fans tailgate. And they're lepers. That is a fact.

(Note: this may not be fact)

Having traveled to Louisville, I was treated to prohibitionist good times. The only reason they sell beer in the stadium is because they know the away fans will buy it. Yeah, I know, it's sad. Usually fans at opposing schools get drunk and lob obscenities and trashcans at visiting fans. That's just college football.

Louisville?

They sip their wine coolers and then cower at the site of Old Gold and Blue. I just assume they do the same when Middle Tennessee State comes to town. God only knows what happens at their Spring Game. They probably assume the fetal position and refuse to get out of the car. Pussies.

Judging by the picture, however, Louisville fans are amazing at flashing gang signs. Speaking of gangs, I can never remember who are the Bloods and who are the Crips. From the looks of their colors, they're probably Bloods. But that seems a little obvious, doesn't it? Bloods wearing red? I wish I had paid attention during that mugging a few weeks back.

Wait, what was I talking about again?